Have we lost ourselves?

I wish I had a picture of the moment we were car dancing to the backstreet boys in your moms car. But I dont think you can take a picture of emotions. You cant really capture happiness in a photograph. People can be good actors. And there is always a story behind the faces.

Thunder storm & a movie.

I just watched the movie Seven Pounds. If you have not seen it, you absolutely have too.
I cried at the end. Awesome movie.

Ask youself the questions that you know you just can't answer till tomorrow...

I need some one to give me a new reason why we have people who constantly remind us of our mistakes and failures. I have more regrets in my own conscience that would just add to the list. And theres so much pressure to be perfect, when that is just so irrelevant. Do people really hate being wrong so much that they will attempt to justify the most insane ideas?

You can't control me with fear. I'm sorry but that just doesnt work as well as it used to.

You cant talk to people like theyre nothing..

I dont want to be a wasted life.
But theres nothing I can do.


Or maybe theres everything, and I just lack the ambition, the confidence to accomplish it.

Remembering you, how you used to be.

If I could throw this lifeless lifeline to the wind

Leave this heart of clay, see you walk, walk away

Into the night and through the rain

Into the half-light and through the flame

If I could through myself set your spirit free

I'd lead your heart away

See you break, break away

Into the light and to the day

Sweatshirts.

I wore your sweatshirt today. It actually isnt yours, because I never got the chance to give it to you. And you never had the chance to let me wear it. So I'm letting myself wear it. I'm not sure if that makes sense. But I remembered when you made up nicknames for us. You were a good thing then.

"Because it was something good that happened and he wasnt willing to let it go..."

I think I'm the type of person who has a lot of faith.
I have faith in people. But I don't know why.
Because all the people I've met have given me a reason to be dissapointed.
But I know that people have the ability to change their lives, if they find the strength.
And I think that is why I can have faith.
I have faith in love because I know it is good.
I'm not afraid of being in love, or even being hurt.
I'm afraid of what will happen if I keep on feeling nothing.

"I'm not broke, I'm just a broken hearted man"

I'm currently reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower.
I love this book.

I remember in the fall and winter when I would sit in this room at night and think about how everything had become all the same, so mundane and empty. But there has to be something because I'm still here, still wondering.

My confirmation was yesterday evening. The bishop talked about how God has a plan for everyone. But I think that plans are only plans until they are turned into actions. And the actions are left up to us.
Unsuprisingly disrespectful, my dad complained how the service was boring.
And excessivly overreacting, my mother took too many pictures and talked way too loud.
They sat on opposite sides of the church with different people.
I dont think either of them congratulated me, unless you count the 'contratulations' written on my cake. They were pretty distracted with being the center of attention. My stepdad never said a word to me, even when I was right next to him at the reception. My sister told me she fell asleep. My 8 year old cousin gave me the biggest hug. My older cousin, my sponsor told me I did a good job. Oh, and the bishop told me he liked my hair. weird?
People gave me money and pretty cards. My aunt gave me lotion that smells good. My grandma gave me an angel necklace.
I bought my mom a book for mothers day. I think she'll like it alot. The title is Perfectly Imperfect, and I cant think of the author, but shes the wife of some news reporter, and I would check but I already wrapped it like four days ago because I was so excited that I picked out a good present.

I didnt mean for this post to be so long, but then I had all these thoughts.
I'll close with what I wrote in my journal on monday, may 4th.

I love you no matter what.

You made me feel special.

I want to feel infinite.

And the sunsets arent so beautiful when the people are so ugly.

We didnt light a candle for uncle Gene today. We should have. We should have every week, we shouldnt have stopped. We should remember.