Christmas Eve Strangers

When you feel more comfortable around strangers than people who know you.
When you can't trust the people you're supposed to.
And you begin to question everything.
A friendship you thought would always be there is ruined so quickly.
So easily. And you moved on better than you thought you would.
When you long for being alone and nowhere.
It would be so easy to leave all of you behind.

Maybe it was genuine. When I touched your hair and you cried.
I won't regret giving you a second chance. I already don't.

Fucked up

I hate how you get fucked up all the time.

I always thought you would look at me differently,

But I never thought I would be the one to change my mind.

I don't care. I'm paranoid and jealous and fucking crazy.

So I hope you're happy.

Because I realized that without you I'm alot better.

I would be fine. It only took 3 days to get over you.

And I meant what I said, We have different standards.

Because I look at you sometimes and wonder what kind of girl I am.

Ballet

I miss ballet. I miss smelling like a dance studio- like sweat, and broken in shoes, the metal from the bar, and something more. I miss the cold bar on my hot hands and body. I miss stretching and feeling long and tall. I miss the structure. The Quiet. The noise. I miss being so thirsty, and water tasting so good. I miss improving. I miss having a place to go for me. Not for school, not for work, not for anyone else. I might not ever be in the Nutcracker or swan lake but I like ballet and it reminds me who I am. Who I am without anything else.

Kid cudi and Dirty Couches.

I'm so over those good times.
I was sad but it's not sad anymore.
In fact, I can't remember what was so great about them.
That should make me sad but it doesn't.
Those friends were fun but they drifted away.
Except for the one that ruined everything.
But you don't understand, that doesn't even make me sad anymore.
Because I'm so over it. It's just how it is.
And I have things to do.

My sister thinks I'm a "fake bitch" too.
But that's cool. Just because I accused her of stealing my make-up.
And she writes terrible things on the internet about me. And that's cool too.
And people agree to it too. People I dont even know. But that's okay.
I mean it bothers me (and confuses me). But what am I gonna do?
When I realized what she was even talking about I thought
"Yeah, I guess I'm a bitch. Get the fuck over it, or atleast call me out on it."
And that's probably the bitchy way to respond to it too.
But I dont care. I have things to do.

I'm a little insulted that all she could call me was a fake bitch.
I'm alot of things but that doesn't really explain anything, or hurt me at all.
Maybe like self-centered, or passive-agressive, or cranky? All of those would really work. But calling me a fake bitch is just lazy.

College

In the long run I don't think it will matter wether or not I had the experience of going away to college. Because really, that's not the reason why people go to school. I mean it would be alot more fun, but maybe I just won't get the chance to do it. And thats okay.