Movement.

I like the way my clothes smell like dance studio.
I like the smell of cigarettes.
I miss the feeling I would get
as I was flying through the air.
The satisfaction of landing a tor jete.
The movement.
Everything else is old.
Everything else is still.
Hopeless.

Belong.

I bet you feel really great.
I don't know why I cried.
I don't belong here.
No where
is quiet
enough.
I can't respect you.

Saturday Mornings

Sleeping over at her house is so easy.
Like being a kid again.
It's clean and lived in and parents talk.
And saturday mornings were happy again.

alive

Yoga mat and cinnamon scent
Rearrange furniture and let the sunlight in
Let it be, singing together.
He's so proud of her.
So proud.
Thats the way it's supposed to be.
The way I was supposed to be.
Loved and grown and happy.
That's the way it was supposed to be.

Unnecessary

Crazy how somehow you sing clearly.
When everything else gets lost in transit.
What goes on in your head.
Stewarts coffee.
I feel guilty if I ignore what they're doing.
How they treat him.
I need to make myself remember that it's wrong.
That we all deserve better.
That it's so unnecessary,
And I am Different.

Wonder.

So here I am.
I don't know why, but I remembered your birthday.
For some reason, I still feel like I have to make up for who I was to you.
I don't want anything back, and I don't want a second chance,
but sometimes I miss you.
And I have no idea why.

You're probably out celebrating.
Having the time of your life
Just like you're supposed to.
I know for a fact that you've forgotten about me.
And I'm glad. You never needed that part of me.
And neither do I.

Have the time of your life

Settle.

Filling out
My application
For community college.
I shouldn't
Be asked to settle.

Nothing,

Nothing happened, I'm just not happy.
And you know, happiness is temporary
But so is feeling terrible.
And right now I am in between
I am going nowhere, just empty.
And it seems to drag on and on.
And I'm sick of it always finding me.
I'm so sick of coming home.
This place is pitiful.
And I am lost in it.

Getting Out.

Need to stop waiting to be saved.
Need to get myself out.
Even though I didn't choose to be stuck.

I've heard it before.

But it's not that simple.
Tell me how to fix it.
Tell me how to make it better now.
Because I've thought of ways to possibly fix things in time.
Long amounts of time.
Years.
But what am I going to do tomorrow?
What am I going to do?
Everyone already thinks what they think.
And how can I possibly get anywhere
when everyone has already made up their minds about me?
And every chance I get to ask for what I want,
I am silent.
Because I am shocked.
That everyone I talk to has decided that I am less.
And I expect it, but I never know how to react.

I think,
that none of this will last.
Someday I will be far away.
And you won't know me anymore.
All of this will become a cloudy memory.
I don't know if it's sad because I'll miss you,
Or because I'll look back and think of how trapped and wasted I was.
It's a shame I ever had to feel this way.