Chicken noodle soup, thunderstorm, & saturday night

Little things are what makes this sucky night a little bit better.
Tastes like quiet childhood.
Like my mother curled up reading
On our living room couch on rare summer afternoons.
The way she was supposed to be.
I've always thought that people who love each other
will bring out the best in each other.
Everything I do seems to bring out her worst.

Again

Crying like that again felt foreign and numb.
It made me remember who I was.
When I knew what I was doing.
Before it had gotten old.
I had sworn that I would never get used to it.
That I would always let her hurt me as much as the first time
So that I wouldn't forget. So our pain would always matter.
But it was always just me.
And I wonder if when I finally am free, will I remember who I was?
I need to find out who I am without the pain.
The pros and cons of staying here.

Movement.

I like the way my clothes smell like dance studio.
I like the smell of cigarettes.
I miss the feeling I would get
as I was flying through the air.
The satisfaction of landing a tor jete.
The movement.
Everything else is old.
Everything else is still.
Hopeless.

Belong.

I bet you feel really great.
I don't know why I cried.
I don't belong here.
No where
is quiet
enough.
I can't respect you.

Saturday Mornings

Sleeping over at her house is so easy.
Like being a kid again.
It's clean and lived in and parents talk.
And saturday mornings were happy again.

alive

Yoga mat and cinnamon scent
Rearrange furniture and let the sunlight in
Let it be, singing together.
He's so proud of her.
So proud.
Thats the way it's supposed to be.
The way I was supposed to be.
Loved and grown and happy.
That's the way it was supposed to be.

Unnecessary

Crazy how somehow you sing clearly.
When everything else gets lost in transit.
What goes on in your head.
Stewarts coffee.
I feel guilty if I ignore what they're doing.
How they treat him.
I need to make myself remember that it's wrong.
That we all deserve better.
That it's so unnecessary,
And I am Different.

Wonder.

So here I am.
I don't know why, but I remembered your birthday.
For some reason, I still feel like I have to make up for who I was to you.
I don't want anything back, and I don't want a second chance,
but sometimes I miss you.
And I have no idea why.

You're probably out celebrating.
Having the time of your life
Just like you're supposed to.
I know for a fact that you've forgotten about me.
And I'm glad. You never needed that part of me.
And neither do I.

Have the time of your life

Settle.

Filling out
My application
For community college.
I shouldn't
Be asked to settle.

Nothing,

Nothing happened, I'm just not happy.
And you know, happiness is temporary
But so is feeling terrible.
And right now I am in between
I am going nowhere, just empty.
And it seems to drag on and on.
And I'm sick of it always finding me.
I'm so sick of coming home.
This place is pitiful.
And I am lost in it.