I was a child.

What is fear,
If you have never known anything else to compare it to?

It's not like I just woke up one day
And decided I wasn't going to talk.
I was a child. I just didn't talk much.
I can remember just not feeling anything
For a really long time.
I was a child.

If I kiss you where it hurts will you feel better? Will you feel anything at all?

"Most teenagers do not engage in risky behavior"
Was a statistic I learned in health class.
I guess that doesn't count the millions of teenage mothers doing drugs,
Or the fathers that ran scared, or their parents who left them in the first place.
I pray about losing my childhood, while you were denied one.
I laughed tonight just because. You laughed just to forget your life, for one moment.
He talked about world peace and puppies, and then he told me about them.
"I really really hope she's okay"
That was all I could say.

Easy mac' and Sun burn.

If the next generation never learned about the racism of the past,
Would they look at people differently?
Today I wondered what would happen
If we were all wiped completely innocent of the past.

What if history is meant to be forgotten sometimes?
Maybe there's a reason we can't keep yesterday
And continue to wake up to another chance.

There are some things I remember from church.
One thing the pastor said was God doesn't care about yesterday.
You're already forgiven, already loved.
He said it like he was absolutely sure.

But I guess that means that even if yesterday was an amazing day,
It doesn't matter anymore.
And that's kind of bittersweet.

"I was addicted to saying things and having them matter to someone"

Does it matter if I write it all down?
It doesn't make me feel any more alive.
Like when I didn't belong on stage
until I heard my name yelled in the crowd.
We really are all the same.

Gone.

Sitting on the cool grass,
Colors blasting into the sky.
I tried to remember the way
it used to make me feel.
Gone.


I heard David Blaine say on TV that he wanted his magic to bring people a sense of wonder. Like the way we are as children, when we are amazed by every little thing... Like the way I used to feel swallowed by the sky on the fourth of july.

Stop.

I want to stop having something to write about.
I'm supposed to be happy.
Let me be selfish, just for one night.

Goodnight.

I remember how I used to want to stay here.
But it's been so long, that I don't even belong here anymore.
Not even as a dinner guest, because you eat on the couch with sports center.
I don't know why it's back to akward silences and angry car rides.

Where I stood

You think that I went to church because of a boy.
Because whenever there's a boy, obviously I become infatuated and blind.
Because clearly, I couldn't possibly believe in God.
Because how could I ever be capaple of believing in anything?
Right? Because as a father who barely talks with me, or even looks me in the eyes,
You must know every minute detail of who I am.

I'm upset that you've always thought so little of me.
I find it sad that even when you're here, you're really far away.
I don't know what to do, and you're no help at all anymore.
I told you the truth, and you looked at the T.V. screen and yelled.
Why do you like me better when I'm nothing?

Wallflower

People assume who I am
Even though I haven't once had an honest choice in where I go.
I heard someone say one time that the world isn't built on extremes.
I'm starting to believe that it was built that way, but fell in between.