Excuses.

Couldn't take another day of people making excuses.
Everything caught up with me at once.
All I need is space.
Time.

Homeless.

Just one of those days where everything gets to me.
Can't wake up enough.
Can't find a good song.
Can't find a friend.
Can't get far enough away.

Stale.

Well I'm sorry.
That I don't want to waste my time.
And can't sit and watch you waste yours.
Drive a little faster.
Say what you want to say.
Get out of here fast,
You're stale.

And if it's a water landing, then it's a water landing.

Plans change sometimes.
We have what we have.
Work on getting out of bed
because your legs won't work,
or because your heart is broken.
I used to walk with guilt.
And that is no way to live.

And the World Spins Madly On

Because I change like the seasons.
I wish I could keep my summer mentality
Even as I grow empty, frigid, and dark.
I keep thinking that getting out of here will make things better.
But I'm still the same reguardless of location.
It's just a matter of being happy
And why I can't seem to be these days...

It's gotten to me.

It's gotten to me.
It seems like I change personalities from season to season.
Summer and Fall will always be my personality.
The school year is so long that it makes things seem permanent to me.
And I've learned all too quickly how untrue that is.
I am meant to change with the seasons, not to be trapped in a routine.
Trapped.

11/11

You can't just make someone feel worthless
and then not feel ANYTHING.

That is why I'm angry.
And that is why it will never be OK.

Breathe

You could say that there's a dramaturgical approach to our lives.
You want to seem a certain way so you play the role,
And its not long before that becomes everything you are.
You play so many parts, what's real has long ago disappeared.
And you know, I keep forgetting to breathe.
The room spins and I think
I just can't tonight.

11/10/10

"Not everyone has a sob story, and even if they do It's no excuse"

Fuck.

I hate all this arguing.
There's no reason why we shouldn't be happy
And yet you seem to bask in your misery

I know it's all for attention.

The furure is no place to place your better days...

The only time they look happy is in pictures.
So that when we look back on these times
we can pretend to remember how happy we wanted to be.
Everyone leaves angry and self righteous.
I would have asked for ice cream cake, but no one asked me what I wanted.
They prefer me to be the perfect pink frosting little girl. Silent.

No.

I never knew what I do now

This morning I smelled like Dave concert.
Which pretty much is beer and weed.

"Thats gross" she said.
"It smells like happy people" I said, still half asleep.

Duct Tape

"Remember when I went to church?"
For some reason, as we turned the opposite direction today, that was heavily on my mind.
Things were so different then.
Parts of me know better now, about how to talk about music and go places and sip fancy coffee.
I still remember the feeling of being there, singing the songs and just taking it all in.
I will never forget that part. You could tell they truely cared that we knew about God and what he had to say.
But after a while something changed, and it no longer felt genuine.
Like the church had grown so big that they couldn't manage it. So they started using cheesy 'inspirational' lines just to take up space and give an illusion of something great.
It no longer felt true to me, so I stopped going. pretty simple.

But, I still feel new sometimes when I drink french vanilla cappuccinos.

Bittersweet Birthdays, And Mornings

Coffee Coolattas, Loud Radio, Warm Car.
Plenty of balloons and pretty things, and Cake.
People who give a shit.
Candy.

You always find a way to ruin me.

Ballet, Piano songs, "that's okay"
Not knowing how to dance, but loving it anyway.
Quiet music, Cool night, Fast Food.
Someone to listen, To almost understand
Not being alone.

Thank You.

Smile

"Guys, my socks say smile."

The sun rise today was so pretty.
I'm not going to use any cheesy metaphors to talk about it.

good morning.

You are still in there somewhere.
Reaching your arms up from the hospital bed to hug me.
And then swept away again by something unknown.
Your hands are soft and cool, and weaker than usual as I gently say good morning.
I don't know what else to say, except good morning.