Leave all your love and your longing behind. You can't carry it with you if you want to survive.

I need to get away from whatever is making me feel this way.

Like absolutely nothing. I don't want to do anything tomorrow.



But I will. I will wake up at 5:00 tomorrow morning and get dressed still half asleep. I will sit in the seat on the bus that the water drips on, and no one will warn me about it. I will talk to some "friends" but I wont be completely there.

"Being wasted, Getting wasted"

This spot right here is where my bed used to be.
I would lay there and watch the seasons change through the open window.
The rest of the room was mostly empty, just like I was.
And now it's filled with meaningless furniture, sticking out and in the way.
Something eats me alive everytime I come up here.

And I don't know what else to say other than
I don't belong. But I can't leave.
Not yet.

Funny things.

I asked you if you wanted to know something funny.
Which lead to talks about friends and family and serious subjects and funny people.
Maybe you would have wished me luck if I had told you how nervous I was.
All I had to do was say something.

Black & White

Standing in front of the room in your black and white dress.
Cold white on threatening black.
A hard contour outlining your mind.
It's not that simple.

I cannot bring myself to respect such ignorance.

Checking Messages.

I think sunday, or whatever day of the week that you believe, is supposed to be a day of rest so that we don't turn into robots. I notice that when people live too fast, they become empty and exhausted. And no one is meant to be that way. I keep thinking that maybe if she just had some time with nothing to do, she would remember to cry and live and go outside and be happy again. I keep thinking that it should never have come to this. That she should be able to listen to me without checking the answering machine at the same time. Constantly multitasking, digging a deeper hole going nowhere.

What it all comes down to

Driving away, Regina Spektor, Passenger seat
Sleepovers, Going out to dinner, Getting a Job
Passing classes, Saying Hi in the hallway
Having something to talk about in Lunch
Figuring out why we're friends in the first place
Warped charcoal drawings, Bad Hair Days
Not taking the bus to school,
Waking up in the mornings

Again.

Maybe if I just stay still, time will not pass.

I would just like to stay in one place and not have to worry
about where I'm going or what I'm going to do.
Just for a little while.


I find that this is all I've ever wanted.
And that only drives me further into isolation.