Why can't you be, the part of me that's missing?

I've never been a couple.
I hate it because at parties with your friends I feel like I have to constantly stand at your side. Like that's what I'm expected to do.
I like your friend because when he's high he thinks everything is amazing.
It's like the sense of humor I have even when I'm sober.
But I think its kind of sad that he has to get high to enjoy things.
The thing is, you aren't really anything ever. We don't laugh at the same things at all.
And I understood the movie, and I could have told you a million meanings it had and so much shit about symbolism and imagery and love and darkness, and evil and freedom.
But if I told you what would you even say?
And maybe you think its okay when we sit outside and don't really have a conversation.
But I hate it. And sometimes I don't even want to kiss you and I don't want to talk or lay in bed or anything. And if you saw what's on my ipod, you probably wouldn't like half of it.
You're nice and protecting, but way too simple sometimes. You never tell me what you want or how you feel. Why can't you be upfront and tell me what you fucking want, or ask for something? Fucking talk to me. It took a over a month of this before you even called me beautiful, like do you know what you're doing or?
And every time I spend the night there I leave in last nights clothes, uncomfortable or hungover or both and then I have to take a detour to my house so it doesn't look like I came from your apartment. And then I come home smelling like weed and your cologne even though I haven't done the least of what my parents are worried about.
I know we're not right for eachother. Things would be so much easier, they would just happen and fall together. But when we're together my mind is so many other places. Like I'm wondering what time it is, what my friends are doing, have you ever done this before, what's on tv, who's outside in the kitchen, how am I going to tell you I have to leave. Sometimes I stay longer just to avoid the akwardness of telling you I have to go. And you don't always have to walk me to my car, just when it's dark out. Because it always akward when I'm driving back and I see you walking back to your house, like do I wave?

My goal in this relationship is just not to lose myself. I think that's sad. I had to tell you I was going to bed so I could just have some time. And I do that alot. For some reason, in order to feel close to me you have to tell me all the boring shit about your day and I should do the same. You don't even give me a chance to miss you, but the second I stop responding you'll lose interest. I almost forgot about my favorite songs and shows and books and movies. Like I can't just tell you off the top of my head everything there is to know about me, you just have to figure it out. Sometimes I don't even realize who I am until I start to lose it a little bit.