Different

I don't understand how you don't pay attention to how I respond. I was so sad today.
You didn't even notice until I made you look me in the eyes. Even after I told you how it worries me. You kept going. I wanted you to make sure I was okay but you kept going. And I know, how were you supposed to know? But you did before. You just should have known. We're so different. I used to think so highly of you. I used to not thing anything of you.

I love you but
"We're so different."
You wouldn't talk to me today when I said that to you. Whenever you know I'm right you just stop. And even when I'm wrong. You give up and I hate it. I wanted you to say something great. Even if it was something sad. I want you to tell me something significant. I want you to fight with me even if I think youre wrong. Or apologize, or both. I want you to fight with me. We've never had a serious conversation. I'm so scared of what you'll say whenever I bring something up. Maybe that's why you're not always honest. But isn't that worse?

It's sad but I liked myself better before I loved you. You make me feel insecure. Like I have something to prove.

Not give up.

I haven't felt depressed in a really long time.
I haven't had any of those days where I physically can't get out of bed,
where I really really don't want to.
I never knew there was a difference between sad and depressed.
Because before, I was only always depressed. Because nothing happened.
Or I didn't let anything happen. Or it doesn't matter, but now
So many great things are happening. So much at once that it's too good to be true.
So one of those huge great things goes wrong.
And I feel so so sad. Like my heart is breaking.
But not like I want to die.
Because I have to apologize and try and fix it
or I have to move on and find something new.
Not give up.

Hurt

Took me a while to realize that you hurt me.
Because I didn't expect it. And you didn't mean to.
There's nothing either of us can do.
I know your sorry. It still bothers me.
Having fun is one thing, but having absolutely no willpower, no conscience.
Is absolutely disgusting.

I thought I should let you know.

Love you.
What?
I love you. ...I thought I should let you know.
I love you too.

Woke you up in the middle of the night just to let you know.
Everytime we say goodbye or goodnight.
When there's a tornado warning you let me know. Just in case.
It's funny because I had no feelings for you at all whatsoever in the beginning.
And now I have a ton of them. Somehow now you mean so, so much.
And without even realizing it, you've helped me become the person I wanted to be.

References

This doesn't feel like enough of a change.
It'll hit me eventually that my closest friends are gone.
I filled out a job application today and when I wrote out my references
I realized there's not that many people that think highly of me anymore.
Because all my mistakes have been magnified, and the people that matter
Are the ones who know everything and don't think any less of me.