Neck kisses

I love your neck kisses
In my moms house
Watching the snow outside
It's like you can't help it.

Favorite

Too passionate for my own good.
You say the same things as everyone else, except I believe you.
It will hurt so bad to forget you.
When I can't remember what you smell like
Or how you taste, or the way your lips feel
How soft your skin is and your fingertips at my waist
Your smile and your eyes and the sound of your exhale.
Your freckles. Your hair and how I'm the only one you let play with it.
Your clamy forhead. Your princess room. All of your stories.
Your voice is my favorite sound.
You're my favorite.

Heavy

I feel so heavy.

Our Song

Even if something really is wrong
I should be mad at you. But I won't be.
I'll want to be. But trust me I won't be.
I can taste you still. Feel you still.
And it's the best feeling in the whole entire world.
It might be stupid. But I don't ever want to let you go.

heartbeat

I think it was when I first listened to your heartbeat.
And you asked me if it was fast or slow.
And I told you it was medium.

Always and no matter what.

Yesterday I wanted to tell you that I'll love you always and no matter what.
But those are heavy words. I think I still mean them.
I will love you no matter what, and I never want that look to fade from your eyes. I know though, that it can't be permanent.

Too Bad

Spring time early mornings
Cold dew and smeared make-up
Kid cudi booming from your roomate's stereo
Sitting on those gross old couches
Singing along still a little drunk
First impressions
Princess walls
5am half-awake goodbye kisses
Tastes like blueberry smirnoff and absolut raspberry
sweet smoke. soft and dizzy.
We will never be that young again
As free as I was. You made me invincible
Too bad it didn't last.

The way you look at me.

How did you become so rediculously important to me?
I should be so mad at you. I should hate you.
I can't though. I could never.
Because of the way you look at me.
I think you're great.
I think you're amazing.
Someday there might be a time when you stop looking at me the way you do. And it will break my heart.

See you again

I don't know what I would do if I were to see you again.
I would expect an apology. I don't know why you never tried harder.
You know what, you're stupid.
You have poor judgement.
Did you fucking expect me to do everything for you?
You were a terrible friend.
What did you ever do for me?
Besides make me look terrible in front of all the people who I thought the highest of. Besides completely change my parent's trust and respect for me. Besides ask me for everything without even thinking about what I had to fucking do. And then to think you're better than me. Just fuck you.
In reality, I would probably stay quiet.

How it is

Our sex is all about what feels good; that's another thing.
I feel like sometimes there should be more.
Because in reality, there's more than just what feels good.
We had had sex at least 3 times before we said I love you.
Which I didn't think was wierd at first,
Because at first I didn't even connect the two. Sex and love.
You never have. Sex is just sex to you.
That's how it was with all those other girls.
I know that when you said it didn't mean anything, you weren't lying.
And that's why I always wondered how it was any different with me.
How you could do something with so many other people and have it mean nothing, and then do the exact same thing with someone you care about.
It still means nothing. And it shouldn't. That's what bothered me.
That's what still bothers me. But I don't know what to do.
This is just how it is.
I would ask you but you wouldn't tell me because you wouldn't want to hurt me.
You wouldn't want me to know how many girls,
or if you cared about any of them.
And I wouldn't tell you any of this, because you would be hurt.
That I think it means nothing with me. That it's not enough for me.
I don't know if it's something you can change.

Not strong.

I am not strong these days.
I've cried every chance I get.
I must be pretty annoying.
Everything was going great though.
I hadn't cried in so long.
There's nothing I can do for a while though.
So I'll just have to suck it up until then.
I probably won't.
Too much to worry about.
I've never had to worry about all this before.
It's my fault. I deserve it.

And I wanna believe you, when you tell me that it'll be okay

I don't know what I'm going to do when I find out for sure.
Because I really love you. That's why it's so sad.
Before... I was angry. When I just started to sorta like you.
But I let it go, and I shouldn't have.
I don't know how I'm going to tell you.
I don't know if we could still be together.
This could be why we break up.
It's so embarrassing.
I don't know how I'm going to tell you.
But I need to find out.

I trusted you.
I trusted you.
I shouldn't have.
It's not your fault.
I deserve this.