How it is

Our sex is all about what feels good; that's another thing.
I feel like sometimes there should be more.
Because in reality, there's more than just what feels good.
We had had sex at least 3 times before we said I love you.
Which I didn't think was wierd at first,
Because at first I didn't even connect the two. Sex and love.
You never have. Sex is just sex to you.
That's how it was with all those other girls.
I know that when you said it didn't mean anything, you weren't lying.
And that's why I always wondered how it was any different with me.
How you could do something with so many other people and have it mean nothing, and then do the exact same thing with someone you care about.
It still means nothing. And it shouldn't. That's what bothered me.
That's what still bothers me. But I don't know what to do.
This is just how it is.
I would ask you but you wouldn't tell me because you wouldn't want to hurt me.
You wouldn't want me to know how many girls,
or if you cared about any of them.
And I wouldn't tell you any of this, because you would be hurt.
That I think it means nothing with me. That it's not enough for me.
I don't know if it's something you can change.