Our Song

Even if something really is wrong
I should be mad at you. But I won't be.
I'll want to be. But trust me I won't be.
I can taste you still. Feel you still.
And it's the best feeling in the whole entire world.
It might be stupid. But I don't ever want to let you go.

heartbeat

I think it was when I first listened to your heartbeat.
And you asked me if it was fast or slow.
And I told you it was medium.

Always and no matter what.

Yesterday I wanted to tell you that I'll love you always and no matter what.
But those are heavy words. I think I still mean them.
I will love you no matter what, and I never want that look to fade from your eyes. I know though, that it can't be permanent.

Too Bad

Spring time early mornings
Cold dew and smeared make-up
Kid cudi booming from your roomate's stereo
Sitting on those gross old couches
Singing along still a little drunk
First impressions
Princess walls
5am half-awake goodbye kisses
Tastes like blueberry smirnoff and absolut raspberry
sweet smoke. soft and dizzy.
We will never be that young again
As free as I was. You made me invincible
Too bad it didn't last.

The way you look at me.

How did you become so rediculously important to me?
I should be so mad at you. I should hate you.
I can't though. I could never.
Because of the way you look at me.
I think you're great.
I think you're amazing.
Someday there might be a time when you stop looking at me the way you do. And it will break my heart.

See you again

I don't know what I would do if I were to see you again.
I would expect an apology. I don't know why you never tried harder.
You know what, you're stupid.
You have poor judgement.
Did you fucking expect me to do everything for you?
You were a terrible friend.
What did you ever do for me?
Besides make me look terrible in front of all the people who I thought the highest of. Besides completely change my parent's trust and respect for me. Besides ask me for everything without even thinking about what I had to fucking do. And then to think you're better than me. Just fuck you.
In reality, I would probably stay quiet.

How it is

Our sex is all about what feels good; that's another thing.
I feel like sometimes there should be more.
Because in reality, there's more than just what feels good.
We had had sex at least 3 times before we said I love you.
Which I didn't think was wierd at first,
Because at first I didn't even connect the two. Sex and love.
You never have. Sex is just sex to you.
That's how it was with all those other girls.
I know that when you said it didn't mean anything, you weren't lying.
And that's why I always wondered how it was any different with me.
How you could do something with so many other people and have it mean nothing, and then do the exact same thing with someone you care about.
It still means nothing. And it shouldn't. That's what bothered me.
That's what still bothers me. But I don't know what to do.
This is just how it is.
I would ask you but you wouldn't tell me because you wouldn't want to hurt me.
You wouldn't want me to know how many girls,
or if you cared about any of them.
And I wouldn't tell you any of this, because you would be hurt.
That I think it means nothing with me. That it's not enough for me.
I don't know if it's something you can change.

Not strong.

I am not strong these days.
I've cried every chance I get.
I must be pretty annoying.
Everything was going great though.
I hadn't cried in so long.
There's nothing I can do for a while though.
So I'll just have to suck it up until then.
I probably won't.
Too much to worry about.
I've never had to worry about all this before.
It's my fault. I deserve it.

And I wanna believe you, when you tell me that it'll be okay

I don't know what I'm going to do when I find out for sure.
Because I really love you. That's why it's so sad.
Before... I was angry. When I just started to sorta like you.
But I let it go, and I shouldn't have.
I don't know how I'm going to tell you.
I don't know if we could still be together.
This could be why we break up.
It's so embarrassing.
I don't know how I'm going to tell you.
But I need to find out.

I trusted you.
I trusted you.
I shouldn't have.
It's not your fault.
I deserve this.

Different

I don't understand how you don't pay attention to how I respond. I was so sad today.
You didn't even notice until I made you look me in the eyes. Even after I told you how it worries me. You kept going. I wanted you to make sure I was okay but you kept going. And I know, how were you supposed to know? But you did before. You just should have known. We're so different. I used to think so highly of you. I used to not thing anything of you.

I love you but
"We're so different."
You wouldn't talk to me today when I said that to you. Whenever you know I'm right you just stop. And even when I'm wrong. You give up and I hate it. I wanted you to say something great. Even if it was something sad. I want you to tell me something significant. I want you to fight with me even if I think youre wrong. Or apologize, or both. I want you to fight with me. We've never had a serious conversation. I'm so scared of what you'll say whenever I bring something up. Maybe that's why you're not always honest. But isn't that worse?

It's sad but I liked myself better before I loved you. You make me feel insecure. Like I have something to prove.