Lately I've been finding myself in more and more of those unexpected situations where you don't know how to react how how to respond or what to say first. Sometimes I wish I was one of those people that could come up with a lie to smooth everything over on the outside when I need to. To save myself the embarrassment of being so painfully honest. Caught on the spot, I am an unorganized, stuttering mix of messages. Too much all at once.
I don't know how to talk to you, in a way that you'll hear me.
And sometimes I wonder, when you yell the way you do, if what you want more is to be heard, or to hurt me. Each time you hurt me differently. It's a different reason for the same thing.
Why don't I turn down the music for you. Maybe it's because when I want to find quiet I have to wait until three AM. Or maybe because if I did, that would make me "good" in your eyes, and I'd rather you just see me. Maybe because you're already mad when you ask me to. You assume your "authority" instead of just being. Can't you just be?
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