too many locks, too many lies, too many tears, too many cries, too many barriers...

Something makes me want to retreat back into the darkess that I stayed in for so long.
Hide in the emptiness where nothing can touch me.
Where I cant hurt anyone, and I cant be hurt.
But theres no way, because no matter what I do someone is unhappy and it is my fault.

I'm trying to write something meaningful. Something beautiful and touching. But I cant think of words to reach anyone. All I can think is that I needed an apology. Needed meaning it is too late now. Now, what I need is a change. And that is all I have ever asked for, but somehow everything is my fault.

Why are we bitter?
That is what I cant stand in the people around me.
That is what I tried so hard not to be.
But then I look in the mirror, and the eyes I see are bitter and tired.

I make mistakes. But why are they overlooked until they can be shoved in my face.
I cannot handle every single thing I have ever done wrong thrown at me at once.
Its not healthy to have happen, and its not a healthy thing to learn.
I learn from my mistakes. Its not like I am incapable of learning.
All this punishment is unnecessary.

It's hard for me to believe that I went from utter happiness, to a total mess in the length of one weekend.

And I just want to go back.
To suanne's car on the way to the beach.
To lauren's house with my cup of coffee, and all those caring people.
To my living room with my little brother watching movies.
But I cant go back.

I'm starting to believe the ocean is much like you, because it gives and it takes away...