So its been a good week. I havent written in a while. That's a good thing, because I tend to write more when I'm depressed or sad. I went black friday shopping this morning and I got a dress for the snowball dance next weekend. I tried to rearrange my room at my dads house. that didnt go well. I moved all the furniture around for like 3 hours and then i had to move it all back because it would only fit in the room one way. atleast i got some exercise... besides that I cleaned my entire room. and used like half a can of febreeze cause everything in my dads house smells funny. downside to my dad living alone every other week. Atleast as far as I know he lives alone. Oh and I helped my mom set up her friend shorties christmas tree on wednesday. Shortie is like a mother figure for my mom, and I've known her my whole life. She is the sweetest lady i have ever known, seriously.
My mom was telling me about her first love, and break up. It made me sad because her love was real. and her pain was real. And I want to feel that. Or atleast I wanted to. For now I just want to be happy. And I am, I want to stay happy. I want to go to the dance and have fun. And I will.
(: Goodnight.
Friday, November 28, 2008
im bored :)
. :START :.
1. Your gender: female
2. Are you liking someone: not seriously
3. Are you hungry:kind of
4. Are you bored: yes
5. Your birthday: nov. 4th
6. Age you wish you were: 17
7. The color of your hair: brown
8. Color you wish your hair was: pink :P
9. The color of your eyes:blue
10. Got any piercing: nope im too scored of needles =/
11. Want anything pierced: maybe my ears
12. Tattoos: nah
13. Who do you like: no one
14. Any siblings:yes, sister, half brother, step sister
. :HAVE YOU :.
15. Read the newspaper: funnies(:
16. Get told you're on crack: yepp
17. Talk to strangers: occasionally
18. Take walks in the rain: all the time
19. Drive: my moms teaching me (:
20. Like to drive: yes
21. Been out of the country: nope
22.Been in love: I thought I was.
23. Regret it: somewhat.
24. Gone skinny dipping: nahhh
25. Had a surgery: yup, minor sugery
26. Ran away from home: tried to once.
27.Played strip poker:nahh
28.Been loved: loved ... as in emotionally or physically...?
29. Been on stage:yup i used to dance when I was little (:
30. Slept outdoors: in a tent!
31. Made a Prank phone call: ahahah yes.
32. Pulled an all-nighter: yesss (:
33. Sleep Walked:yup, or so i've been told
34. Sleep Talked: ive been told soo
35. Cried yourself to sleep:yeah
36. Slept all day: yeahhh:)
37. Killed someone:nope
38. Made out with a stranger:nope
39. Had sex with a stranger:nope
40. Kissed someone:yup
41. Regret it:nope
42. Been betrayed: yup
43. Broken the law:uhhhm nope
44. Met a famous person: nope
45. Been on radio-tv: nope ):
46. Been in a mosh-pit: actually, no
47. Had a nervous breakdown: yes
48. Danced naked: yes, in the privacy of my room
49. Repeated Dream: I've had a few if a certain person was on my mind alot or something
50. Shoe brand you prefer:converse(:
51. Wear hats: only other peoples hats. like if we're hanging out and i feel like wearing their hat :P
52. Judge people: Sometimes i do, But i have a very open mind and my opinions change easily.
53. Listening To: actually im not listening to music right now.
54. Own 10 pairs of shoes:nah, nore like 6 or 7
55. Favorite place to shop: boscovs, kohls, american eagle,
56. Comfortable clothing:sweats:)
57. What's your style: im not going to lable myself, thank you verry much :)
. :BELIEVE IN:.
58. Miracles:yes
59. Angels:yes
60. Magic:yes
61. Ghost:yes
62. Shirt: what?
63. Birth: yeah?
64. Easter Bunny: of course
65. Cupid:sure
66. Sex before marriage: eh, whatever floats your boattt
67. The death penalty: no.
. :RANDOM:.
68. Best friends: 4muskateeeeers
69. Everyone lies : everyone poops.
70. Ying and Yang: twins
71. Love at first sight: alright
72. Remember your first love: mhm.
73. What do you find romantic: nothing fancy, as long as I'm happy.
74. Do you look at looks alone: no.
75. Flirt to get for attention: haha sometimes, but im a teenage girl so what do you expect?
76. Time goes by too fast: absolutely
77. Like someone: i might
. :LAST PERSON :.
78. That you laughed at: john
79. That laughed at you:john
80. Person that made you smile: john
81. You went shopping with: mom
82. To disappoint you: me
83. Last time you took shower: last night
84. To brighten up your day:friends (:
85. Person you kissed: dont remember, haha its been a while.
86. You Dumped : no one..
87. Food you ate: strawberry jolly rancher!
88. Talked to through IM: john
89. You Hugged: madre
90. You texted: i cant text ):
91. You were in love with: never been.
92. You Fought: i dont know. my mom?
. :FAVORITE:.
93. Food: chocolate
94. Girl: kenz
95. Boy: pshhh dont have one
96. Park: the one by my house (:
97. Sport: errr. yeahh right. hahh
98. Position: thats dirrrrty.
99. Pet: i dunno
100.Favorite Quote?: "im not sure what is a dream and what is real. or if real is a real word and if words even exist outside of our imagination..i still can't say for certain if falling asleep is opening your eyes in the morning or closing them at night. and im lonely. but not sadly. everybody is alone. i want love like love wants love..oxygen and drifting clouds. and im not scared to be alive. these days more people are. money is an illusion. the world has been gaining some sort of momentum over "time" and every day it's spinning faster. we are growing up too quick. someday i'll start to. i write music because it feels like breathing. i sing because it is connection. i wish everybody would sing with me and without even gathering together sing so honestly that the songs could be carried on wind and heard at every point in the universe, even in translation. i wish there were no more bombs or bullets. and i wish we'd stop using politicians for negotiations. people are far too beautiful at heart to be introduced so cruelly into the blinding brilliant world. children. if there were to be a new beginning. would it all come out the same way again??"
-Jason Reeves
(I literally copied & pasted that from his myspace 'about me' so i guess its not really a quote. but whatever, I still like it.)
1. Your gender: female
2. Are you liking someone: not seriously
3. Are you hungry:kind of
4. Are you bored: yes
5. Your birthday: nov. 4th
6. Age you wish you were: 17
7. The color of your hair: brown
8. Color you wish your hair was: pink :P
9. The color of your eyes:blue
10. Got any piercing: nope im too scored of needles =/
11. Want anything pierced: maybe my ears
12. Tattoos: nah
13. Who do you like: no one
14. Any siblings:yes, sister, half brother, step sister
. :HAVE YOU :.
15. Read the newspaper: funnies(:
16. Get told you're on crack: yepp
17. Talk to strangers: occasionally
18. Take walks in the rain: all the time
19. Drive: my moms teaching me (:
20. Like to drive: yes
21. Been out of the country: nope
22.Been in love: I thought I was.
23. Regret it: somewhat.
24. Gone skinny dipping: nahhh
25. Had a surgery: yup, minor sugery
26. Ran away from home: tried to once.
27.Played strip poker:nahh
28.Been loved: loved ... as in emotionally or physically...?
29. Been on stage:yup i used to dance when I was little (:
30. Slept outdoors: in a tent!
31. Made a Prank phone call: ahahah yes.
32. Pulled an all-nighter: yesss (:
33. Sleep Walked:yup, or so i've been told
34. Sleep Talked: ive been told soo
35. Cried yourself to sleep:yeah
36. Slept all day: yeahhh:)
37. Killed someone:nope
38. Made out with a stranger:nope
39. Had sex with a stranger:nope
40. Kissed someone:yup
41. Regret it:nope
42. Been betrayed: yup
43. Broken the law:uhhhm nope
44. Met a famous person: nope
45. Been on radio-tv: nope ):
46. Been in a mosh-pit: actually, no
47. Had a nervous breakdown: yes
48. Danced naked: yes, in the privacy of my room
49. Repeated Dream: I've had a few if a certain person was on my mind alot or something
50. Shoe brand you prefer:converse(:
51. Wear hats: only other peoples hats. like if we're hanging out and i feel like wearing their hat :P
52. Judge people: Sometimes i do, But i have a very open mind and my opinions change easily.
53. Listening To: actually im not listening to music right now.
54. Own 10 pairs of shoes:nah, nore like 6 or 7
55. Favorite place to shop: boscovs, kohls, american eagle,
56. Comfortable clothing:sweats:)
57. What's your style: im not going to lable myself, thank you verry much :)
. :BELIEVE IN:.
58. Miracles:yes
59. Angels:yes
60. Magic:yes
61. Ghost:yes
62. Shirt: what?
63. Birth: yeah?
64. Easter Bunny: of course
65. Cupid:sure
66. Sex before marriage: eh, whatever floats your boattt
67. The death penalty: no.
. :RANDOM:.
68. Best friends: 4muskateeeeers
69. Everyone lies : everyone poops.
70. Ying and Yang: twins
71. Love at first sight: alright
72. Remember your first love: mhm.
73. What do you find romantic: nothing fancy, as long as I'm happy.
74. Do you look at looks alone: no.
75. Flirt to get for attention: haha sometimes, but im a teenage girl so what do you expect?
76. Time goes by too fast: absolutely
77. Like someone: i might
. :LAST PERSON :.
78. That you laughed at: john
79. That laughed at you:john
80. Person that made you smile: john
81. You went shopping with: mom
82. To disappoint you: me
83. Last time you took shower: last night
84. To brighten up your day:friends (:
85. Person you kissed: dont remember, haha its been a while.
86. You Dumped : no one..
87. Food you ate: strawberry jolly rancher!
88. Talked to through IM: john
89. You Hugged: madre
90. You texted: i cant text ):
91. You were in love with: never been.
92. You Fought: i dont know. my mom?
. :FAVORITE:.
93. Food: chocolate
94. Girl: kenz
95. Boy: pshhh dont have one
96. Park: the one by my house (:
97. Sport: errr. yeahh right. hahh
98. Position: thats dirrrrty.
99. Pet: i dunno
100.Favorite Quote?: "im not sure what is a dream and what is real. or if real is a real word and if words even exist outside of our imagination..i still can't say for certain if falling asleep is opening your eyes in the morning or closing them at night. and im lonely. but not sadly. everybody is alone. i want love like love wants love..oxygen and drifting clouds. and im not scared to be alive. these days more people are. money is an illusion. the world has been gaining some sort of momentum over "time" and every day it's spinning faster. we are growing up too quick. someday i'll start to. i write music because it feels like breathing. i sing because it is connection. i wish everybody would sing with me and without even gathering together sing so honestly that the songs could be carried on wind and heard at every point in the universe, even in translation. i wish there were no more bombs or bullets. and i wish we'd stop using politicians for negotiations. people are far too beautiful at heart to be introduced so cruelly into the blinding brilliant world. children. if there were to be a new beginning. would it all come out the same way again??"
-Jason Reeves
(I literally copied & pasted that from his myspace 'about me' so i guess its not really a quote. but whatever, I still like it.)
Monday, November 24, 2008
So, talk about long days.
i got peed on. Long story- I was babysitting my little brother. Giving little kids baths is not the easiest thing in the world...
Anyway, I wrote a poem for english class. And, usually im not good at poetry, but I like this one.
Anyway, I wrote a poem for english class. And, usually im not good at poetry, but I like this one.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
wow,
I just took this crazy quiz on sparks notes when I was trying to "study" for english, and it told me the date when I am going to die, and what age I'll be. Tuesday, October 23rd 2063 At the tender age of 69 years old. and it says I'll die from cancer, drowning, alien abduction, or a horrible accident. .... alien abduction? wtf? But anyway, its just a stupid quiz. I have so much work to catch up on =/ I need to stop procrastinating
Monday, November 17, 2008
long day.
I've been sick since yesterday morning. And my father does not know how to take care of people. He told me that just because i was sick doesnt mean I can take out my anger on him.
But I'm not mad because I'm sick, I'm mad because he doesnt care, and he doesnt even try to pretend.
But whatever, I'll have to just live with that. Because theres nothing I can do, and nowhere for me to go.
Anyway, I'm going to school tomorrow. I would have rather been there today than stuck at home dealing with my father.
But I'm not mad because I'm sick, I'm mad because he doesnt care, and he doesnt even try to pretend.
But whatever, I'll have to just live with that. Because theres nothing I can do, and nowhere for me to go.
Anyway, I'm going to school tomorrow. I would have rather been there today than stuck at home dealing with my father.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Maybe we could have been something. But maybe we were destined to create heartbreak.
I like the title I put for this post. (:
"Sometimes I wish I had never met you. Because then I could go to sleep at night not knowing there was someone like you out there."
"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." -Abe Lincoln
In the end we only regret: the chances we didn't take, the relationships we were afraid to have, & the decisions we took too long to make.
"Sometimes I wish I had never met you. Because then I could go to sleep at night not knowing there was someone like you out there."
"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." -Abe Lincoln
In the end we only regret: the chances we didn't take, the relationships we were afraid to have, & the decisions we took too long to make.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Try your best to break me, you cant break whats broken.
So I go to aol.com to check my email, and I end up reading this article about some guy who people think is a terrorist, but he's american, and he's apparently friends with obama?
I guess you could say that I am somewhat interested in politics. But really polotics piss me off. Nothing is ever fair, and people can be so closed minded.
Well whatever, I'm not about to get into a whole political rage.
So anyway, I'm going to my dads tonight for the week. Hopefully I'll have some plans for this weekend.
I guess you could say that I am somewhat interested in politics. But really polotics piss me off. Nothing is ever fair, and people can be so closed minded.
Well whatever, I'm not about to get into a whole political rage.
So anyway, I'm going to my dads tonight for the week. Hopefully I'll have some plans for this weekend.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
tired. its sleeping. freaking baby thingg.
so yeah, I dont plan on getting a full nights sleep tonight. not that I really would anyway. But I kind of like having this thing. It gives me something to do, and it keeps me busy, and it makes me think about babies.
Like how much do we really infuence a baby? And what do they think of the world? could I ever handle the responsibility of determining who a person is going to be? Is that really what parents do?
are people born with a destiny, or are we all just here, floating?
What is the point in askng a question like that? People seem to always be searching for that answer, but maybe we just werent meant to know. maybe there is no answer.
I want to have children when I'm older. I want to know what it feels like to love someone so unconditionally. I would try not to ever take them for granted. "for letting me experience the kind of love people frequently die for"- Stephenie Meyer, when writing a detication to her children.
Like how much do we really infuence a baby? And what do they think of the world? could I ever handle the responsibility of determining who a person is going to be? Is that really what parents do?
are people born with a destiny, or are we all just here, floating?
What is the point in askng a question like that? People seem to always be searching for that answer, but maybe we just werent meant to know. maybe there is no answer.
I want to have children when I'm older. I want to know what it feels like to love someone so unconditionally. I would try not to ever take them for granted. "for letting me experience the kind of love people frequently die for"- Stephenie Meyer, when writing a detication to her children.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
boring day continues
I dont feel like talking to my friends right now. I just need to relax I think.
What I really want is to leave everything behind and start over, somewhere new. I know that's not possibly. But I'm only dreaming.
I get a babysimulator on thursday for my child psych class. That should be interesting...
What I really want is to leave everything behind and start over, somewhere new. I know that's not possibly. But I'm only dreaming.
I get a babysimulator on thursday for my child psych class. That should be interesting...
boring day
so this is like my 3rd blog today?
i just took a nap, and I'm still tired.
its 2 in the afternoon. God, I'm lazy.
i just took a nap, and I'm still tired.
its 2 in the afternoon. God, I'm lazy.
again,
I'm going to stop writing about memories and things that happened before.
I dont need to hang on to it, it will always be there in the past.
I dont need to hang on to it, it will always be there in the past.
My arm is sore, and it hurts when I type.
Talk about bad days.
My mother basically criticised me all morning, I cried in the doctors office. The nurse comes in and she asked me about my diet and everything, and then she asks if I'm anxious or sad about anything. she asks me twice. and my mother answers for me, school is just stressful.
Like nothing else could be bothering me.
I remembered july, I was so much stronger then. I didnt cry, because I knew it would be over soon. I'm beginning to think that I change with the seasons.
I'm a summer girl.
I'm just gonna chill for now, I'll do homework later. I'm a procrastinator (:
My mother basically criticised me all morning, I cried in the doctors office. The nurse comes in and she asked me about my diet and everything, and then she asks if I'm anxious or sad about anything. she asks me twice. and my mother answers for me, school is just stressful.
Like nothing else could be bothering me.
I remembered july, I was so much stronger then. I didnt cry, because I knew it would be over soon. I'm beginning to think that I change with the seasons.
I'm a summer girl.
I'm just gonna chill for now, I'll do homework later. I'm a procrastinator (:
Monday, November 10, 2008
After watching my recorded one tree hill an hour late...
I have to get a flu shot tomorrow morning.
Crazy, but it reminded me of the last time I got a tetnious shot, this past july, with a broken heart, and realizing that I had to just deal with the pain and it would be over eventually. But I have to keep getting flu shots over and over again. And I still feel the pain fromthat heart break over and over again, occasionally. I guess maybe I'll get used to it, to the point where I dont even flinch.
...takes time.
And incase you dont know, I am extremely freaked out by even the mention of a needle. So flu shots are a big deal with me.
Listening to: How I Could Just Kill a Man- Charlotte Sometimes
This song was basically the lullaby of my summer. Its what music video was always playing at 3 in the morning each night when I couldnt sleep.
So I think I'm going to read soon, and then fall asleep.
I've been reading That Summer by Sarah dessen and at first I thought it would be one of those cheesy stories about a summer romance and everything, but I figured I like all of sarah dessen's other books so I started reading it. Let me just say, that I am not dissapointed.
Okay, so after my little book review... I have nothing left to say. (:
Crazy, but it reminded me of the last time I got a tetnious shot, this past july, with a broken heart, and realizing that I had to just deal with the pain and it would be over eventually. But I have to keep getting flu shots over and over again. And I still feel the pain fromthat heart break over and over again, occasionally. I guess maybe I'll get used to it, to the point where I dont even flinch.
...takes time.
And incase you dont know, I am extremely freaked out by even the mention of a needle. So flu shots are a big deal with me.
Listening to: How I Could Just Kill a Man- Charlotte Sometimes
This song was basically the lullaby of my summer. Its what music video was always playing at 3 in the morning each night when I couldnt sleep.
So I think I'm going to read soon, and then fall asleep.
I've been reading That Summer by Sarah dessen and at first I thought it would be one of those cheesy stories about a summer romance and everything, but I figured I like all of sarah dessen's other books so I started reading it. Let me just say, that I am not dissapointed.
Okay, so after my little book review... I have nothing left to say. (:
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Sunday night, cant sleep
Things just happen.
It'll all work out in the end.
I just have to keep telling myself that.
It'll all work out in the end.
I just have to keep telling myself that.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Remembered those akward silences.
And realized that your not really worth it.
I should care about thing more when I have them. But I dont have you anymore, and I cant waste anymore time regretting it. Theres nothing I can do but move on.
bye (:
I should care about thing more when I have them. But I dont have you anymore, and I cant waste anymore time regretting it. Theres nothing I can do but move on.
bye (:
Friday, November 7, 2008
"Nothing worth having comes easily"
Listening to: ellington
I love yous dont mean so much from far away, and neither do apologies.
even if they are well deserved. I guess life doesnt work that way.
I'm going to ask you, Did any of your 11:11 wishes come true?
Because I made a wish on a shooting star, and it came true. But that was a long time ago.
I wish I knew the truth.
I love yous dont mean so much from far away, and neither do apologies.
even if they are well deserved. I guess life doesnt work that way.
I'm going to ask you, Did any of your 11:11 wishes come true?
Because I made a wish on a shooting star, and it came true. But that was a long time ago.
I wish I knew the truth.
"love is a wonderful thing until your standing all alone"
I should care about things more when I have them.
I'll remember to call you at 4 in the morning on your birthday. You will always be in my heart. And that hurts to think about, but theres nothing I can do. This is the way things are.
"but I had a bigger heart, I've had more room for you from the start and you cant believe your bones you had finally found some light in a dark world that doesn't like love.
If i was up in space hanging out with the stars, I'd look for the brightest one and know exactly where you are. Tonight without me by your side. I want to radiate like you do"
I made caitlin and erin watch elf with me tonight. it was over by 8 and we all fell asleep.
And I am going to leave these tears behind again. Because you dont care anymore, and we have new lives. But I bet this wont be the last time I cry over you.
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