Well, I think I'm a little bit high off of this pain medecine. Seeing as how I'm typing really slowly & carefully and i just emailed my best friend but i can barely remember what I told her, and my heads spinning a little and yeah.
They had to give me an iv when they pulled my teeth. I didnt even freak out that much. Maybe it was because i was holding the doctors hand. I dont know. But I didnt want my mother there. I dont recall wanting her there. I wouldnt tell her that though. I cant imagine how I could have done it, but I am proud of myself. They tried distracting me. But distractions dont work for me i guess. They kept saying "what do you like to do?" I couldnt think of anything at that moment. But I wanted them to just say that everything was going to be okay. Why is that so hard for people to understand? I mean, did they think i would just forget about the needle in my arm? No, distractions dont work for me. I like the truth, no matter how much it might hurt. Thats just the type of person I am. Now, atleast. Thats not who I was a year ago, and maybe it wont be who I become a year from now. But I hope I dont lose these truths.
I wrote a letter to my mom on saturday. Because we had a big fight. She didnt read it the way it was meant to be read. I think the thought of me actually writing her something made her cry more than the actual words, the actual meaning. I wish I could go back to borders and get another latte. That was sunday. I'm happy on sundays. I think I'm a sunday person. I dont know why, or if I'm even making sense. I think I'm bipolar. Because sometimes I'll be in a good mood for a long time, and then after a while I'll become really sad. It hasnt happened so much lately. But it does sometimes. I always seem to pick myself up out of the sad times though. I learn to be happy. Oh, and yes, it was valentines day when I fought with my mother. And yes she grounded me, on valentines day. No comment.
By the way, If you havent noticed yet, I changed the name of my blog from 'anything and everything' to 'less than perfect'. I though of it on saturday when all I could think was "I'm sorry if I'm less than perfect". My blogger name is still 'for blue skies' because I think that's what I live for. what I hope for.
11:11 Make a wish.
I dont really make wishes anymore. I think I just like knowing that I could if I wanted to.
I was babysitting on friday and the little girl, shannon, told me that she wished she had a unicorn. And she wanted to tell me really bad, and i kept telling her that if you say wishes then they wont come true. And then I was like ok, maybe if you whisper it will be okay. and shes like "okay, well its stupid anyway." But then she told me, and I told her that it could come true one day. And I believe it. Maybe someday someone will create a unicorn.
Okay, I'm about done writing this post. I'd just like to say, that if I could smile right now, It would be real. I wouldnt doubt my happiness for a second. I love my imperfect life. I dont want anymore downfalls. I dont care what other people think about me. I'm not jaded. I dont ever want to be. No matter what happens to me, what I live through, I'd like to keep this youth, and this honesty, and this happiness. Even though I've been crying on and off for the last 2 days... I dont doubt my happiness right now. And that must seem like a really weird thing to say. And maybe no one will understand. I'm a complicated girl, but I'm not jaded.
[the pictures i post here are not taken by me, i get them from photobucket. Just saying.]
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