I had a really good day today. It was just good. Nothing spectacular happened. But it started with the morning (...well obviously most days start with mornings). But it was 50 degrees outside. which is amazing compared to the 20 degrees it has been for too long. no winter jacket. it felt good. It reminded me of fall, and summer a little bit. I loved it. Its like calm before the storm. by the way, there's supposed to be a storm tonight/tomorrow morning. and then I had a really good day. I've learned to have a sense of humor when things are so depressing. It helped alot.
I still havent cleaned up from my nervous break down. But I dont relly want to. I like how my room looks now. It was so bare before. and empty. Now It actually looks lived-in. Like I actually live there. and I want the mess to stay there for as long as possible. this is my home too.
So I read this poem today in english. It was like "what if i want to be a rebel, a wanderer, girl with the world on her shoulders..." what if thats what I want? what if I dont want to be something that everyone else would appreciate, maybe I dont want to please other people. I would love to just say "fuck it all" and not care. but something always stops me when I start to feel that way.
Wow I just wasted like 2 hours. its 11. I wont be able to sleep again.
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